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Day 30: Dazed and confused

Over the past week, I’ve written, and then promptly deleted, a couple of posts similar to this one.

Generally, I consider myself to be an open book. I’m not afraid to show my emotions or put my crazy on display. I’m long past the age where I care about sharing a much more flattering image of myself with the world. I am flawed – and that’s ok. It’s what makes me human.

But, there was something about this past week that kept me from clicking the “Publish” button. Something about it seemed too much to put out there. I don’t think it was necessarily the words I wrote, but how I’ve been feeling as I wrote them that made me hesitate.

This past week, I’ve just been feeling pretty out of it. It’s kind of like I’ve been sleep walking or stumbling about in a fog of sorts. I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling this way – I just have been. My best guess would be that it’s because i haven’t been sleeping well, but maybe it’s excess stress? Who knows? I don’t.

I want to snap out of, get back on track, and get to working on the sleep goal I’ve been neglecting since I set it. But, I can’t seem to do it. I’m stuck.

On the bright side, despite feeling less than motivated, I have managed to get back to consistently hitting my step goal after the last slip up. I’ve already got an 11-day streak going.

But, other than that, everything has fallen by the wayside.

I’d hoped the new wellness tracker I got would get me going again, but instead, the stress tracking feature threw me off even more. I mean, I knew I had a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and that most, if not all, of my stress is self-inflicted, but this thing seems to think I spend most of my day in a medium or high stress state. Either it’s terribly inaccurate or I’m… well, I don’t know what I am. All I know is, it doesn’t seem like a good thing.

So, that’s kind of where I’m at now. Still lost in a fog, trying to figure out if I’m really that stressed and how it might be affecting my health. All the while obsessively researching anything and everything related to my celiac disease. I’m basically a crazy person lately.

It’s all good though. Now that I’ve put it out there, I can start working through it. Sometimes you have to face all the ugly feelings and just accept them in order to move forward. This is me, facing mine.

Day 20: A picture is worth a thousand words

6 steps.

I ruined a 17-day streak by failing to walk 6 steps.

I’m not even sure I can explain how it happened. It’s embarrassing. I had plenty of time. I knew I was short a couple of steps. I told myself I should get them in before I got distracted or forgot. And yet, I was overconfident. I felt I’d been doing such a great job of hitting my goal, obviously I’d get the last few steps in before midnight. But I didn’t.

So yeah, back to square one.

I feel like there’s a lot more I can write about this, but I’m tired. I’ll have to save those thoughts for another time.

Day 17: Cocido de Sol

Several weeks ago, my Japanese friend invited me to go grocery shopping with her. Her German friend has a gluten sensitivity and had asked for her help translating labels in hopes of finding some gluten-free foods at the local grocery store. They were going together the following day and she thought I might like to join them. I wasn’t working that day, so I jumped at the chance of finding new things I could cook with or eat. With her help, I found a lot of great stuff. It was a great morning.

After shopping, she suggested we all grab some lunch. Japanese malls have an endless amount of dining options. Between the food court and all of the different restaurants available, my friend assumed we would be able to find a safe place for me to eat. One by one, she approached a staff member from each restaurant and asked to see their allergy menu*. One by one they happily handed it to her. And, one by one she quickly realized everything had gluten in it (with the exception of steamed rice).

After the fourth or fifth restaurant, she finally gave up, apologizing profusely. I assured her there was nothing to apologize for; that’s just what living with celiac disease is like.

A couple of weeks ago, that same friend messaged me – she’d found a restaurant nearby with gluten free options: Cocido de Sol in Machida. It’s not a gluten-free restaurant, so there’s a risk of cross-contamination, but many of the menu items are naturally gluten free and the chef had told assured her I could eat there. We made plans to go last Sunday, and I have to say, the place did not disappoint. In fact, it exceeded my expectations.

The owner (who also happens to be the sole chef) went above and beyond to ensure I had plenty of options to choose from, and the staff was great about asking questions and explaining potential issues with dishes that might contain gluten or dairy.

When it came time to order, we chose a bunch of different appetizers and my husband and friends ordered a couple of paellas to share. I ordered the streak plate because the paella broth had gluten in it. As the food cans out, each dish seemed better then the last. Everything was delicious! We ate so much that by the time the paellas came out, we were all stuffed. My husband and friends weren’t sure they’d be able to eat it.

As the server handed out fresh bowls and silverware for the paella, I was surprised when he handed me one. I reminded him I couldn’t eat it, assuming he’d forgotten, but he assured me I could. It turned out the chef had wanted me to be able to eat the paella with my husband and friends, so he had modified the recipe to make it gluten free.

I was floored. To be honest, at that moment, I was so surprised, I don’t think I reacted as well as I should have. This may sound dumb, but I actually felt sort of embarrassed that he’d gone through so much trouble. The restaurant was packed with people and he was cooking everything by himself. I felt like a burden, and I was so full I wasn’t even sure I could eat another bite. But, what else could I do? I couldn’t be rude. I had to try it, so I did. And man, it was so good! It blew every other dish out of the water. Despite feeling like my stomach was about to burst, I refilled my bowl at least two more times.

By the time we paid our check and left, the initial embarrassment had faded away and the enormity of the chef’s kindness had finally set in. The fact that he had gone to so much trouble just so I could enjoy the paella with everyone else at the table meant so much to me. I said thank you to him the best I could in the little bit of Japanese I know, but I still left feeling like I failed to adequately express just how grateful I was for everything he did for me that night.

I fully intend to return to his restaurant soon and recommend it to everyone I know. Again, it’s not a gluten-free restaurant, so there is a risk of cross-contamination, but I felt like the chef and his staff did everything possible to minimize that. It’s definitely a place to check out if you find yourself in Machida craving some Mediterranean/Spanish food (or even if you’re not).

*Random thought: I had no clue before that day that most larger restaurants have allergy menus. You just have to ask to see them.

Day 16: Confusing results?

I had my monthly Bod Pod appointment this morning. As I wrote in a previous post, I wasn’t expecting much of a change from my last results. If anything, I was just hoping they wouldn’t be worse. Despite making it to the gym a few times this month and hitting my step goal for the last two weeks, I’ve been feeling super bloated and huge. That glutening at the retreat really did a number on me.

So, you can imagine my surprise when the wellness coach announced that despite gaining 1 lb of overall weight, I’d actually lost 3 lbs of fat and gained 4 lbs of fat free mass. My body fat percentage decreased by 3%! At least, that’s what the Bod Pod seems to think.

I’m suspicious of results that are too good to be true. Even if I wanted to believe it was some sort of muscle memory thing, it’s still too large of an increase. Plus, fat free mass can be anything, so who knows? Maybe it’s just the bloat the Bod Pod is picking up on. Regardless, since I can’t make sense of the results, I’m going to assume it’s a mistake for now. If I get the same result or better next month, then maybe I’ll believe this one was right after all.

In other news, a few days ago, I also wrote that I would start working on getting more and better sleep today – it’s not going well. I’m off to a rough start. It’s already 9:37 pm and here I am, typing this post on my phone (I’m sure you’ve heard the whole, blue light keeps you awake thing). I’m basically doing the opposite of what I should be doing and just setting myself up for failure. I’m also still short about 1,000 steps for the day, so I’ll need to walk a few laps before bed to hit my goal. So much for going to sleep by 10 pm.

Oh well, I’ve got to start somewhere right? And the bottom is as good a place as any. Plus, after I hit my goal today, my streak will be up to 14 days. I just might break my longest streak by the end of the week!

Happy Monday!

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