Days 16 and 17: Parenting is hard.

Day 16

Another successful, but challenging day in terms of hitting my daily step goal. It should have been easier considering we spent the day out with the kids and with friends, but I guess I didn’t walk around as much as it seemed. By the time we got home, I was barely at 8,000 steps. It took two episodes worth of pacing during the current Korean drama I’m watching to hit my goal.

Final step count: 15,148

Day 17

This week was a rough one. Little kid was sick, and I struggled with staying home with him.

Parenting is hard.

I began writing this post yesterday, but I struggled with how much I wanted to write about the ups and downs of parenting. This blog is supposed to be about my step challenge, not necessarily about the feelings of guilt I live with because I’m not the mom I’d hoped to be. But, the thing is, they are connected, aren’t they? Whether or not I am able to hit 15,000 steps each day for a year has everything to do with how I live my day-to-day life and the choices I make. My family has a significant impact on those choices.

I love my children with all my heart – I’d give my life for them. They make me smile, bring me joy, and fill my days with love; but I don’t always like them. I don’t always have fun with them. I don’t want to spend every waking moment interacting with them. I need time to myself.

Rationally, I know taking time for myself is ok and makes me a much better parent. The quality of our time together is significantly better when I’ve had that alone time. Without out it, I’m less patient, more distracted, and much more tired and stressed. Living as a martyr mom isn’t good for the kids, my husband, or me; but that doesn’t lessen the guilt I feel about needing that time.

I read somewhere that the days are long, but the years are short. Hard weeks like these seem endless when they’re happening, but then you wake up one morning and your babies are all grown, and you find yourself mourning for all of the time you missed with them. I don’t know if I’ll ever manage to get rid of my mommy guilt. I can’t change the past, but I can do my best to do better today and in the future. Today is a new day, and with it come new opportunities to make memories, work towards goals, and walk a lot of steps. I’m ready for it.

Happy Sunday!

Current step total: 633

Current step goal streak: 4 days 
Previous step goal streak: 1 day 
Longest step goal streak: 6 days

 

 

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