Day 37: Another binge

Day 36

I lost all control last night. One minute I’m doing ok, the next I’m binging on the box of donuts that were still sitting on the counter.

I know what I’m doing wrong. Instead of choosing healthy, low-calorie food that’s filling, like meat and vegetables; I’m wasting my calories on junk food that barely makes a dent in my hunger pains and is like 100 calories per bite.

During the day, this doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I’m busy, so a lot of times I don’t even get a chance to eat. But come nightfall, when the pace of the day finally slows down a bit, I end up ravenous and unable to make good, healthy choices.

A few months ago, I hired a fitness coach to help me with my diet. She created an 1,800-calorie plan for me. It was spread over five meals, and consisted of fruits, veggies, healthy fats, protein, and “good” carbs.

I did my best to stick with it, but it felt like it was just too much food. Crazy huh? 1,800 calories worth of healthy food was significantly much more food, and was much more filling, than 1,800 calories worth of the unhealthy food I had been eating before.

After several weeks, I ended up giving up on her plan; not because it was too much food, but because I felt like it was intruding on my lifestyle a little too much. I could eat the healthy stuff throughout the day, but I wanted to enjoy my dinners with my family, and I felt like her plan wasn’t allowing me to do that. It was too restrictive*.

The thing is though, I know I didn’t have to give up on her plan. It didn’t have to be an either/or choice. I could have continued to eat most of the healthy stuff and allow myself to be a little more flexible at dinner time or on special occasions. With a little bit of forethought and planning, I could have have a balance between eating “healthy” and enjoying less healthy stuff.

It’s exactly that balance that I need to find now.

*Disclaimer: The diet was restrictive in order to pinpoint how the foods I was supposed to eat would affect my body and if the calories I was supposed to eat were too high or too low.

Final step count: 18,647

Day 37

I’m writing the post pretty late in the evening. As a result, I can confidently say I did much better today than I did yesterday. I allowed myself a donut for breakfast with my coffee; but then made the effort to have a healthy, more filling lunch. I also made sure to exercise some portion control at dinner.

The result: 1,663 calories; over my calorie goal, but not by too much.

Although I still ended up eating more than I wanted to, I feel like today was a win. I wasn’t obsessing over what I could or couldn’t eat, or checking to see how many calories I had left. I just went about my day and took it one meal at a time.

As much as I want to reach my goals, I don’t want to become obsessive with it in a negative way. It’s not worth it if it stops being fun. The end goal is for my changes to be permanent lifestyle changes and habits – not quick fixes that are unsustainable and result in me gaining all my weight back. It’s going to take a lot of trial and error, but I feel ok with my ability to find the right balance eventually. Today was a good start.

Current step total: 16,225

Current step goal streak: 8 days
Previous step goal streak: 2 days
Longest step goal streak: 13 days

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