Days 79: Feeling low

I wrote the post below yesterday, but forgot to his publish. :/

Day 78

I’ve struggled with getting back on track this week. Although I’d managed to stay within my calorie range and dropped my vacation water weight, I’ve skipped most of my gym days. Then yesterday, I went over my calorie range.

What had happened was: little kid was playing around on the couch while I was vegging out on my phone. The next thing you know, he slips, he falls, he manages the hit the coffee table edge face first, and ends up with an ugly gash by his eyebrow.

Thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as it looked. He didn’t need stitches, and he was back to playing a few minutes later, but I felt it was my fault. I still fill it was my fault.

Since I started this challenge, I feel like I’ve gotten significantly better at managing my emotions, and avoiding the downward spiral I tend to fall into when I become upset. But I couldn’t avoid the hole I fell into last night. I turned to food, and knowingly gave up on trying to hit my step goal. I felt so bad, I was one click away from deleting this entire blog. It’s the first time in a while that I’ve felt this low.

Final step count: 6,894

Day 79

Unfortunately, as with previous similar moods, I haven’t been able to shake it. I still feel pretty awful. While I can tell myself that mistakes happen and this one mistake doesn’t make me the worst parent on the face of this Earth; it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel like I am.

Which means, I am continuing to turn to food for comfort. I haven’t conquered emotional eating just yet. I’ve minimized it by controlling my emotions better; but I haven’t figured out how to manage when I can’t manage how I feel. Therefore, as I’m sure you can guess, I overate again today. In fact, as I write this, all I can think of is how much I want to go back into the kitchen, and find something else to eat. I’m trying to write this post in hopes of riding the craving out, and get to bed without eating anything more.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but hopefully it’ll be relief from these negative feelings. I don’t want to start off a new week feeling this way, and I don’t want to ruin the progress I’ve made. Despite going outside my calorie range yesterday, I weighed in at my lowest this morning in years: 122 lbs. I want to keep the weight loss ball rolling.

Final step count: 15,355

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