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Day 30: Dazed and confused

Over the past week, I’ve written, and then promptly deleted, a couple of posts similar to this one.

Generally, I consider myself to be an open book. I’m not afraid to show my emotions or put my crazy on display. I’m long past the age where I care about sharing a much more flattering image of myself with the world. I am flawed – and that’s ok. It’s what makes me human.

But, there was something about this past week that kept me from clicking the “Publish” button. Something about it seemed too much to put out there. I don’t think it was necessarily the words I wrote, but how I’ve been feeling as I wrote them that made me hesitate.

This past week, I’ve just been feeling pretty out of it. It’s kind of like I’ve been sleep walking or stumbling about in a fog of sorts. I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling this way – I just have been. My best guess would be that it’s because i haven’t been sleeping well, but maybe it’s excess stress? Who knows? I don’t.

I want to snap out of, get back on track, and get to working on the sleep goal I’ve been neglecting since I set it. But, I can’t seem to do it. I’m stuck.

On the bright side, despite feeling less than motivated, I have managed to get back to consistently hitting my step goal after the last slip up. I’ve already got an 11-day streak going.

But, other than that, everything has fallen by the wayside.

I’d hoped the new wellness tracker I got would get me going again, but instead, the stress tracking feature threw me off even more. I mean, I knew I had a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and that most, if not all, of my stress is self-inflicted, but this thing seems to think I spend most of my day in a medium or high stress state. Either it’s terribly inaccurate or I’m… well, I don’t know what I am. All I know is, it doesn’t seem like a good thing.

So, that’s kind of where I’m at now. Still lost in a fog, trying to figure out if I’m really that stressed and how it might be affecting my health. All the while obsessively researching anything and everything related to my celiac disease. I’m basically a crazy person lately.

It’s all good though. Now that I’ve put it out there, I can start working through it. Sometimes you have to face all the ugly feelings and just accept them in order to move forward. This is me, facing mine.

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