Skip to content

Posts from the ‘Current Attempt’ Category

Day 56: Why I write

The day before yesterday, I messed up. After 34 consecutive days of hitting my step goal, I lost track of time and fell asleep less than 500 steps from the prize. I didn’t feel discouraged, and fully intended to get right back to it yesterday, but I started to wonder if I needed to keep posting about it. It’s been over two weeks since I last published anything, and despite starting several drafts, I haven’t really felt like sharing anything.

Yeah, there’s been a lot I’ve wanted to say. My brain is always going – analyzing every little thing I do, feel, or say; and I have opinions about everything. But I don’t always feel comfortable sharing all that crazy, even somewhat anonymously, and I know that having opinions doesn’t mean others want to read them. But, I quickly realized this morning that without this blog, I’m significantly less motivated to hit my step goal every day. Writing these posts provide me with accountability. That’s reason enough to keep doing it.

So here I am, back at day 0, but still here. I’m not giving up on this challenge just yet.

Advertisements

Day 40: Near miss

Yesterday, I tied my longest step goal streak of 20 days – and today, I almost flushed it down the drain.

Although I felt better momentarily after my last post 10 days ago, I’ve continued to struggle. I’m still not getting enough sleep or even trying to do so. I’m all over the place, not just emotionally, but mentally too. I just can’t seem to get back into a routine. Life feels unnecessarily chaotic.

Fortunately, I managed to make a little headway this week. I’m not anywhere close where I want to be, but it feels like I’m finally on the upswing. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s why my near miss tonight feels significant. Despite how awful I’ve felt lately, I’ve stuck with my step goal. To mess it up now would have pushed me back into that hole.

Here’s to a 21-day step streak and to pushing through when the going get’s tough.

Day 30: Dazed and confused

Over the past week, I’ve written, and then promptly deleted, a couple of posts similar to this one.

Generally, I consider myself to be an open book. I’m not afraid to show my emotions or put my crazy on display. I’m long past the age where I care about sharing a much more flattering image of myself with the world. I am flawed – and that’s ok. It’s what makes me human.

But, there was something about this past week that kept me from clicking the “Publish” button. Something about it seemed too much to put out there. I don’t think it was necessarily the words I wrote, but how I’ve been feeling as I wrote them that made me hesitate.

This past week, I’ve just been feeling pretty out of it. It’s kind of like I’ve been sleep walking or stumbling about in a fog of sorts. I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling this way – I just have been. My best guess would be that it’s because i haven’t been sleeping well, but maybe it’s excess stress? Who knows? I don’t.

I want to snap out of, get back on track, and get to working on the sleep goal I’ve been neglecting since I set it. But, I can’t seem to do it. I’m stuck.

On the bright side, despite feeling less than motivated, I have managed to get back to consistently hitting my step goal after the last slip up. I’ve already got an 11-day streak going.

But, other than that, everything has fallen by the wayside.

I’d hoped the new wellness tracker I got would get me going again, but instead, the stress tracking feature threw me off even more. I mean, I knew I had a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and that most, if not all, of my stress is self-inflicted, but this thing seems to think I spend most of my day in a medium or high stress state. Either it’s terribly inaccurate or I’m… well, I don’t know what I am. All I know is, it doesn’t seem like a good thing.

So, that’s kind of where I’m at now. Still lost in a fog, trying to figure out if I’m really that stressed and how it might be affecting my health. All the while obsessively researching anything and everything related to my celiac disease. I’m basically a crazy person lately.

It’s all good though. Now that I’ve put it out there, I can start working through it. Sometimes you have to face all the ugly feelings and just accept them in order to move forward. This is me, facing mine.

Day 20: A picture is worth a thousand words

6 steps.

I ruined a 17-day streak by failing to walk 6 steps.

I’m not even sure I can explain how it happened. It’s embarrassing. I had plenty of time. I knew I was short a couple of steps. I told myself I should get them in before I got distracted or forgot. And yet, I was overconfident. I felt I’d been doing such a great job of hitting my goal, obviously I’d get the last few steps in before midnight. But I didn’t.

So yeah, back to square one.

I feel like there’s a lot more I can write about this, but I’m tired. I’ll have to save those thoughts for another time.

%d bloggers like this: