Days 86 & 87: Uncertainty

Day 85

Friday was a lazy evening of sorts. It’d been a while since I’d just vegged out and did some binge TV watching, so after the kids were put to bed and the dog was walked, I parked myself in the couch to watch back-to-back episodes of a Korean drama I found on Netflix.

At around 10pm, I remembered my steps and checked my watch. I was about 50 steps short of my daily goal. I should have stood up at that moment and did a quick lap or two, but I figured I’d walk those steps when I went back to the kitchen to refill my drink or something.

Unfortunately, that moment never came. I got distracted and went to bed 32 steps short of my goal. I also overrate, because hey, at that time of night, snacking just seems like the thing to do.

Final step count: 14,968

Day 86

I wrote a post yesterday. It’s still sitting in my drafts. It was about my new plan for these next few weeks. There was nothing special about it, just my new goals and what I think I might do, but when I reread it before clicking on publish, I had one of those, “why am I writing this?” moments.

I am self-conscious about my writing. It’s one thing to write assuming no one else but me will read it; it’s another to write knowing that someone else just might come across it and read it as well.

I’m generally an open book. I overshare at times, and I’m ok with that. Or so I tell myself. I’m not ashamed to be who I am. But when it comes to expressing myself in the written form, my confidence at times escapes me.

None of that really matters now though because here I am, typing up another post. That’s what matters right? That despite how I may feel, I haven’t given up.

Final step count: 9,383

Just because I haven’t given up though, doesn’t mean I’m doing all that great. I woke up sick today. Needless to say, I didn’t eat very well and I’m way behind on my step goal. I honestly don’t think I’ll hit it today.

But, tomorrow is a new day and it’s a Monday. What better day for a fresh start than a Monday? Hopefully I’ll wake up feeling much better and I’ll be able to hit the gym and share my plans for the coming four weeks. I’ve still got a ways to go to hit my goals, and I’ve got a lot of steps to take to finally get on track to successfully complete this challenge.

Current step total: 7,801

Day 85: ???

Day 84

After I got my Bod Pod results yesterday morning, I spent the next hour or so staring at them with what must have looked like a perplexed look upon my face. I pulled out my charts from the past two months and stared at those too. Almost a day later, I’m still unsure how this happened.

As you’ll see below, the Bod Pod claims I lost 3% body fat and 5 lbs of fat. My fat free mass increased by a 1/2 lb.

If you read my post from yesterday morning, you know these aren’t the results I was expecting.

Granted, Bod Pods have a margin of error of +/- 1 to 2.7%, so maybe it’s a mistake?

Rationally, I feel like I should be celebrating, but I can’t help but feel like the Bod Pod is wrong. I didn’t track my protein intake the first month, so I don’t know if I averaged more protein or not, but I do know I failed to hit my 100 grams a day goal. Then again, I averaged about 92 calories less per day this month (which would add up to at least one pound of weight loss) and I did exercise a little more, so maybe it is right?

I took a look at my measurements to see if they might tell me anything about my results. These were my previous stats:

And here are yesterday’s:

Weight: 122.2 lbs

Measurements (in inches) (change from last measurements):

Bicep 10.5 (-0.25)

Chest 33.5 (-1.0)

Waist 28.5 (-0.5)

Hips 35.5 (-0.25)

Thigh 21.5 (-0.25)

Calf 13.5 (-0.25)

A total loss of 2.5 inches; with the most significant loss coming from my chest (which is basically all fat). The month prior I lost 1.5 inches. So I guess the results could be a little more accurate than I think they are?

Who knows? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what the next month brings.

Final step count: 15,055

Day 85

Although it’s technically already Friday, it’s basically Thursday night since I still haven’t gone to bed. I need to figure out what my plan for this new month will be, but that’ll have to wait until the morning.

Happy Friday!

Current step total: 62

Day 84

Day 83

I was tempted to blow off my step goal again last night. I was laying in bed and I just didn’t feel like getting up to walk around. But, I made myself do it, begrudgingly.

I also had some serious cravings last night. I was tempted to head back into the kitchen and grab a snack, but I wasn’t too far over my calorie range and I managed to convince myself to just go to bed.

Final step count: 15,090

Day 84

I should feel proud of myself for pushing through last night, hitting my step goal, and not caving into my late-night cravings, but I can’t help but feel disappointed about how I did this month. As I finished completing my sheet this morning, I felt like I failed. Sure, I lost some weight, but I’m afraid today’s Bod Pod will show a lot of that loss was fat free mass.

Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Current step total: 4,204

Days 79: Feeling low

I wrote the post below yesterday, but forgot to his publish. :/

Day 78

I’ve struggled with getting back on track this week. Although I’d managed to stay within my calorie range and dropped my vacation water weight, I’ve skipped most of my gym days. Then yesterday, I went over my calorie range.

What had happened was: little kid was playing around on the couch while I was vegging out on my phone. The next thing you know, he slips, he falls, he manages the hit the coffee table edge face first, and ends up with an ugly gash by his eyebrow.

Thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as it looked. He didn’t need stitches, and he was back to playing a few minutes later, but I felt it was my fault. I still fill it was my fault.

Since I started this challenge, I feel like I’ve gotten significantly better at managing my emotions, and avoiding the downward spiral I tend to fall into when I become upset. But I couldn’t avoid the hole I fell into last night. I turned to food, and knowingly gave up on trying to hit my step goal. I felt so bad, I was one click away from deleting this entire blog. It’s the first time in a while that I’ve felt this low.

Final step count: 6,894

Day 79

Unfortunately, as with previous similar moods, I haven’t been able to shake it. I still feel pretty awful. While I can tell myself that mistakes happen and this one mistake doesn’t make me the worst parent on the face of this Earth; it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel like I am.

Which means, I am continuing to turn to food for comfort. I haven’t conquered emotional eating just yet. I’ve minimized it by controlling my emotions better; but I haven’t figured out how to manage when I can’t manage how I feel. Therefore, as I’m sure you can guess, I overate again today. In fact, as I write this, all I can think of is how much I want to go back into the kitchen, and find something else to eat. I’m trying to write this post in hopes of riding the craving out, and get to bed without eating anything more.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but hopefully it’ll be relief from these negative feelings. I don’t want to start off a new week feeling this way, and I don’t want to ruin the progress I’ve made. Despite going outside my calorie range yesterday, I weighed in at my lowest this morning in years: 122 lbs. I want to keep the weight loss ball rolling.

Final step count: 15,355

Days 77 & 78: Darnit!

Day 77

I started the day off pretty well yesterday. I finally got rid of all the vacation water weight And I did really well at getting most of my steps in early in the day. Unfortunately, we had company over for dinner again last night and I completely forgot to check where I was at after they left. I went to bed without realizing I was still short of my step goal.

I also didn’t make it to the gym and went over my calorie range. Not exactly one of my best days, but not surprising considering how little sleep I’ve gotten this week. I’ve had a hard time getting back into my routine and getting to bed at a decent time. Since I wake up around 5 am each morning, my nightly sleep over has been about 4 hours. No bueno. I finally fell asleep before midnight last night. Hopefully, it’s the start of getting back on track, but just with getting enough sleep, but with working out again consistently as well.

Final step count: 13,817

Day 78

On the bright side, despite yesterday’s failures, my weight continued its downward trend this morning. I weighed in at my lowest weight to date since this challenge started: 123 lbs.

I’m still really concerned a lot of my weight loss this month has been fat free mass since I’ve failed at sticking to my protein goal, but I can’t change that now. I can only try and do better at sticking with it today. TGIF.

Happy Friday everyone!

Current step total: 1,959

Days 73 and 74: Back at it

Day 73

We left Fiji yesterday and arrived back in Japan late last night. Despite how tired I was, the first thing I did after I got the kids to bed was to rest my husband’s old Garmin, so I could start using it ASAP. I charged it, synced it to my app, and went to bed with it on my wrist. I felt pretty darned determined to get back on track first thing this morning.

I realized that without the Garmin and a step goal, I’m much less motivated to stay active. After I drowned my Garmin, I didn’t look for ways to move more like I have been since I started this challenge. I didn’t like that feeling. I need the goal to shoot for. I guess it just gives me a sense of purpose? Is that weird?

Day 74

I sort of slept through my alarm this morning and almost skipped my workout, but I really wanted to start the day off on the right foot, so I just switched my workouts around and did tomorrow’s much shorter high intensity interval training (HIIT) instead of the weight training previously scheduled for today. Despite not really wanting to workout this morning, I was motivated by the fear that I would fall into a multi-week rut where I fail on a daily basis to get back on track. I’m notorious for that sort of thing, especially after getting back from a vacation.

I was also motivated by the number on the scale this morning. I was expecting some water weight gain, but it still sucked to see the number displayed in real life.

My current weight: 127 lbs.

I’m hoping I can drop those extra lbs of water and get back to actually losing weight by the end of this week. Especially since I finally got around to scheduling my next Bod Pod – it’ll be next Thursday, October 25th.

I’m not really sure what I should expect at my next appointment in terms of results. I feel like this week of vacation really threw a wrench into things, but I can’t change that now.

Final step count: 18,335

Day 69: Unplanned “hiatus”

Day 68

I drowned my Garmin yesterday. I didn’t mean to; it’s supposed to be water resistant to a certain depth, but it wasn’t. All of the steps I took walking along the beach and hiking to the tree from the Castaway movie (see picture below) were lost.

He won’t outright say so, but I think my husband is secretly glad my Garmin kicked the bucket. He isn’t a fan of my late night living room laps; especially on vacation. He’s supportive of my goals, but that doesn’t mean he necessarily likes them.

Final step count: no clue

Day 69

Along with my Garmin, all of my self-restraint and motivation died too. Both yesterday and today were both above-maintenance calorie days. Ironically, just a little while ago, an email from the wellness center popped into my inbox: they would like to schedule my next Bod Pod. Today is technically the end of the third week since my last one.

My husband recently upgraded his Garmin, so I intend to use his old one (it’s the same model as my now-deceased one) instead of buying a new one. Until then, I don’t really have a way of tracking my steps, unless I try to carry my phone with me everyone – which I don’t intend to do on vacation.

We’re scheduled to return home on Sunday, so I’ll have to start fresh on Monday. It’s not the ideal solution, but it’s the best one I have. Until then, I’ll just have to do my best to stay active and not go over my maintenance calorie goal.

Current step total: your guess is as good as mine