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Posts tagged ‘challenges’

Day 30: Dazed and confused

Over the past week, I’ve written, and then promptly deleted, a couple of posts similar to this one.

Generally, I consider myself to be an open book. I’m not afraid to show my emotions or put my crazy on display. I’m long past the age where I care about sharing a much more flattering image of myself with the world. I am flawed – and that’s ok. It’s what makes me human.

But, there was something about this past week that kept me from clicking the “Publish” button. Something about it seemed too much to put out there. I don’t think it was necessarily the words I wrote, but how I’ve been feeling as I wrote them that made me hesitate.

This past week, I’ve just been feeling pretty out of it. It’s kind of like I’ve been sleep walking or stumbling about in a fog of sorts. I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling this way – I just have been. My best guess would be that it’s because i haven’t been sleeping well, but maybe it’s excess stress? Who knows? I don’t.

I want to snap out of, get back on track, and get to working on the sleep goal I’ve been neglecting since I set it. But, I can’t seem to do it. I’m stuck.

On the bright side, despite feeling less than motivated, I have managed to get back to consistently hitting my step goal after the last slip up. I’ve already got an 11-day streak going.

But, other than that, everything has fallen by the wayside.

I’d hoped the new wellness tracker I got would get me going again, but instead, the stress tracking feature threw me off even more. I mean, I knew I had a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and that most, if not all, of my stress is self-inflicted, but this thing seems to think I spend most of my day in a medium or high stress state. Either it’s terribly inaccurate or I’m… well, I don’t know what I am. All I know is, it doesn’t seem like a good thing.

So, that’s kind of where I’m at now. Still lost in a fog, trying to figure out if I’m really that stressed and how it might be affecting my health. All the while obsessively researching anything and everything related to my celiac disease. I’m basically a crazy person lately.

It’s all good though. Now that I’ve put it out there, I can start working through it. Sometimes you have to face all the ugly feelings and just accept them in order to move forward. This is me, facing mine.

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Day 12: I’m in the double digits

Despite the ups and downs of the past two weeks, I’ve hit double digits on my step streak. Today marks 10 straight days of walking 15,000 steps a day. Woo hoo!

Now that I seem to have this whole step thing somewhat under control, I think it’s time to start working on getting my sleep on track. Sleep has eluded me since childhood, so I kinda sorta feel like this is going to be a much harder goal to hit. There’s just so much info out there on how to get more (and better) sleep. I need a plan, and I need it before Monday.

Monday is the day.

That means, I need to get smart on all things sleep related. So, from now until then, I’m going to listen to podcasts about sleep, read articles and books about sleep, think about sleep, and write about sleep. Exciting stuff, huh?

It gets better: Monday is also the day of my next Bod Pod.

Although I did make it to the gym a few times this month, I don’t expect any significant changes. I didn’t really do all that well with restricting my eating window, and the scale says I’m bloated. My measurements haven’t change much either.

I’m still looking forward to it though – It’s a great starting point to see what getting proper sleep can do (assuming I’m successful at getting proper sleep that is).

Speaking of sleep, it is past my bedtime. Hasta mañana!

Now what?

Having made the decision to give this challenge another go, I decided to go through my old posts for motivation. When I started this challenge, my intent was to post every day, and for a while, I did. I made myself do it – even when I didn’t want to. It was great for accountability’s sake, but the posts themselves left a lot to be desired. On a whim, I decided to delete some of the more mundane ones, but, I got a tad bit carried away. It seems I may have inadvertently deleted a few posts that I would have preferred to keep (like my Bod Pod results). C’est la vie.

I can’t go back and recreate those posts, but I figure it might be a good idea to do an update post of sorts, kind of like a Day 1 versus now thing. A lot has changed since I wrote my very first post on this blog last summer:

  • I had an ectopic pregnancy that required emergency surgery.
  • I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, celiac disease, and lactose intolerance.
  • I gained some weight, then lost it again – rinse and repeat a couple of times.
  • I attempted and failed to complete this challenge more than once.
  • I didn’t complete any of the DietBets I joined.
  • I think my Experiments 1 and 2 may have failed.
  • I created an Instagram account and a new blog to write specifically about cooking and eating gluten and dairy-free food.
  • I quickly got bored with the new blog and abandoned it, but I kept the Instagram account.
  • My views on all things health and fitness related shifted – there will definitely be posts about those changes in the future.
  • And most importantly, my priorities changed – I care less about losing weight and a lot more about being healthy.

I’m sure those changes will affect the tone and content of this blog a bit (maybe more than a bit), but for today, I’m going to keep it old school and just focus on goals.

In yesterday’s post (which I wrote very late at night, while knocking back some cocktails), I mentioned that I’d had two thoughts while watching the movie Julie & Julia: I can still enjoy food, and I need to refocus on my health.

That right there my friends, those two thoughts, are why I came back to this blog. I want to wholeheartedly commit to doing those two things, but I need help. I need accountability. I’m weak. I stumble. I fail. I make poor decisions. I stay up until 2 am, knowing full well that I need to be up by 6 am for work and I’m going to feel like shit in the morning because I didn’t get enough sleep.

But, I’m also determined, hopeful, stubborn, and unwilling to fold. No matter how many times I stumble and fall down, I eventually get back up (even if it takes a while). Despite falling off the wagon over and over and over again, I’ve continued to climb right back on it. So, now that I’m back on my feet and back on the wagon, I’m ready to try again.

And you know what trying again means, new goals! For this latest attempt at walking 15,000 steps a day, every day, for a year, I want to work on goals inspired by Dr. Rangan Chatterjee’s book, “How to Make Disease Disappear.” If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. I’m pretty much obsessed with it – and the good Dr’s got a great podcast too.

Anywho, the book focuses on what Dr. Chatterjee calls the “four pillars of health” – sleep, food, movement, and relaxation/stress. I could easily spend hours writing about his pillars and all of the great information I read in this book, but that’s a whole other post unto itself. For now, I’m just going to dive straight into the goals:

  • First and foremost, I need to walk 15,000 steps each day – it’s the whole point of this blog.
  • Secondly, I desperately have to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day – I am severely sleep deprived. 
  • Third, I need to drink 64 ounces of water daily – I’ve been feeling pretty dehydrated lately.
  • Fourth, I want to practice time-restricted eating instead of CICO for all the reasons (to be explained in a future post).
  • Fifth, I have to get back in the gym. My little muscles are just ghosts of their former selves at this point.
  • Sixth, I seriously need to get back to meditating every day. I never thought I’d be a person who meditates, but I have to tell you, that shit is life-changing.
  • And finally, seventh, I need to cut back on the use of electronic devices. Just trust me on this one. for now.

I know it’s a lot. There’s a good change that I may be in way over my head by trying to make so many changes all at once. In fact, I’m still trying to decide if I really want to go there and set myself up for failure, or if I should just focus on one or two of these at a time. Maybe it’d be best if I add a new one each week? I don’t know what I’m going to commit to just yet, but I’m going to make a decision about it tomorrow for sure. I can’t keep putting this off, I need to start now.  Anyone want to join me?

One year later…

It’s been months since I wrote my last post. It also happens to be past my bedtime – and yet here I am, sitting on the couch, watching Julie & Julia – the movie about Julia Child and some blogger named Julie.

Now, I watched this movie several years ago, when it first came out. I’m pretty sure I liked it, but I don’t recall feeling strongly about it in any way. Today though, it’s like I’m watching a whole different movie.

In one of the first few scenes, Julia asks her husband what she should do; she doesn’t want to go back to government work. Her husband, ever so supportive, asks her, “What is it that you really like to do?” Her response? “Eat.”

“Eat.” That’s all it took. With just that one word, I was instantly flooded with memories of a very similar conversation I’d had with my own husband – not just once, but numerous times since we’d moved to Japan. And it was in that moment that I felt it: Julia (the movie’s version of her at the very least) was my soulmate. She and I were basically the same person.

But, a second later, it hit me… yes, I love to eat (God, do I love to eat!), but thanks to celiac disease and lactose intolerance, I’ve been sentenced to a life of deprivation of all that brings joy to my life.

Ok, so I’m being a tad dramatic, but hear me out. This post isn’t meant to devolve into a woe is me, full-blown pity party. Surprisingly, it’s meant to be a work of self inspiration (if that’s a real term?) because, as I sat there watching the movie, two thoughts jumped out at me:

  1. I can still enjoy food.
  2. I need to refocus on my health.

I really can still enjoy food and I really do need to refocus on my health, but In order to do those things, I need accountability. If you hadn’t already noticed by reading through my previous posts, I have two settings: “all in” and “fuck this.” I need this blog for the times when I’m not exactly “all in,” and I’m dangerously close to “fuck this,” sort of like where I’ve been for the last, oh I don’t know, two or three weeks (maybe months?). I need something to keep me on track, and although I’ve failed at this 15,000 steps challenge over and over again, writing these posts has helped me tough it out way longer than I would have in the past. That’s something.

So, yeah, what I’m trying to say here is that I’m back. I’m going to give it another try – I’m going to walk 15,000 steps a day, every day, for a full year, and I’m going to make some changes. But first, a drink.

Cheers!

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