Day 52: I ate a mountain of french fries

The last few days, I’ve been feeling pretty proud of myself. I am on a 5-day step goal streak, I’ve been hitting the gym, and I’ve managed to get more mindfulness and water into my daily life. I’ve also been doing pretty ok with the whole avoiding gluten and dairy thing – it hasn’t felt as hard as I expected it to be.

Until today.

Today sucked. Or rather, this evening sucked.

The day started out all right. I had some bone broth soup for breakfast. I went to the gym. I did some work and a little meal prepping. I even volunteered at my daughter’s school for a couple of hours. It was turning out to be a nice, productive day. Then we went out for dinner after visiting the poop museum (yup, you read that right, a museum dedicated to poop). My daughter wanted a burger and I figured I would be able to find something I could eat there too, so we went to the burger spot.

Well, it turns out they only serve cheeseburgers at this place, and asking for a burger with no cheese or bun just isn’t a thing. That’s just not how it works here; so while everyone else had what they described as the best burgers they’ve tasted since moving to Japan, I ate a mountain of fries.

I have never wanted a burger so bad in my life.

It was awful. That meal was a slap-in-the-face reminder that having to avoid gluten and dairy sucks big time. It legit hurt my feelings.

I know I should focus on the fact that I managed to resist the temptation. I should be proud of myself for staying strong and all that; but truthfully, I sort of feel a bit down about it instead.

I keep telling myself that it’s just food and that cravings are really just mind games your brain plays with you, but it still feels crappy. It still makes me feel kind of sad. I mean, I love food. It means all sorts of things to me. I also love doing whatever I want – I don’t do well with rules and restrictions, just ask any of my previous supervisors from back in the day.

But, I’m going to bed tonight without stomach pains. I’m not running to the bathroom every few minutes. I feel good physically, even if I don’t feel so swell emotionally, and that’s a good thing. I can’t expect it to always be easy. It’s going to be hard more often than not, but in the end, despite the suck, it will be worth it – even if I can’t take comfort in that fact right now.

Day 49: Am I crazy?

One of the most frustrating things I’ve encountered since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism is how my doctors have chosen to treat it (or not treat it). My care has been limited to just enough medication to get my TSH, T4, and T3 in the “normal range,” without regard to whether or not my symptoms are actually improving.

My current doctor has been a welcome change to that sort of previous care. She believes in ensuring I am taking enough medication to reduce my symptoms, regardless of where on the range I am. Unfortunately, like other doctors, that’s about the extent of her treatment plan for me.

I don’t want to be that person who goes online, reads blogs and articles, and then believes they know more than a professional. I don’t want to claim that I’ve earned my MD from Google university, but I can’t help but wonder if there truly is a knowledge gap in conventional medicine when it comes to basic lifestyle changes and how that influences the body.

We know the foods we eat can make us sick. Overeating can lead to obesity which can result in all sorts of health conditions. Diabetes can be caused by improper diet. Heart attacks by clogged arteries, stuff like that. So, why wouldn’t we consider how the foods we eat and our activity levels affect our health?

The same goes for our mental health. There are studies that have shown that a positive outlook can influence a patient’s recovery from an illness or injury. Couldn’t our mental state have an impact on our health as well then? I’m pretty sure it’s been confirmed that stress can cause illness.

I don’t intend to stop taking my medication or stop going to my doctor. The truth is, all the lifestyle stuff is up to me, so I don’t really need her to try to eat better and be more active. As long as I’m not going against her guidance (which is to keep taking my medication) there’s no harm in trying to make positive lifestyle changes in hopes of improving my health.

That being said, I would like her to run a few additional tests for me, just to see if I have any of the nutrient deficiencies associated with Hashimoto’s. I don’t want to supplement recklessly and make myself worse by taking stuff I don’t need. I do want to be able to make educated decisions on what supplements to take, if any, and for that I need her help.

Therein lies the problem though, how do I ask her, and possibly convince her, to run these additional tests without coming off as “I know more than you do because I know how to Google?” We have the same goals, which are to make me feel better, so that’s a positive start, but I don’t know where to go from there.

Day 21: Climbing back on the wagon

I’ve already managed to blow off my gym plan, but I’ve got a 5-day step goal streak going, so I’ll take that as a win. Unfortunately, I don’t feel as excited and pumped about this as I should. I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. I’m stuck in some sort of funk or rut, or whichever is the best way to describe it.

The thing is, I’ve gained some weight back the past couple of months. Realistically, it’s probably only about 5 lbs, but when you’re as short as I am, that translates to anywhere from one to two clothing sizes. In terms of measurements, my waist size has increased by a whole two inches. My super comfy jeans are now super tight jeans, and the muffin top I’d finally managed to get rid of, is back with a vengeance. I feel gross.

But, instead of feeling motivated by this to climb back on the wagon, I feel stuck. I’m in that spot; you know, the one where you know you need to make a change – and you want to make a change – but you just can’t get yourself to actually do it. So, instead of making positive changes, you just make worse choices.

I have a Bod Pod appointment tomorrow. I’m hoping my latest results will give me the kick in the ass I need to shake this funk, but I don’t feel confident about it. I know I need to change my mindset about it, but that’s just not where I’m at right this moment. Hopefully, I’ll feel differently tomorrow.

Day 12: I should have known better

After five challenging, but successful days, I ruined my streak by less than four hundred steps.

It was such a dumb way to fail.

After walking hours of living room laps because I’d spent the day on the couch recovering from one too many cocktails the night before, I decided to take a short break. I only had about 350 steps to go and it’s was only 10pm; there was plenty of time to get those steps in – or so I thought.

I got comfortable. I lost track of time. It wasn’t until after midnight that I realized I hadn’t finished walking my steps. I quickly opened the Garmin app on my phone and saw it: 14,679 steps.

So frustrating.

I knew better. As I sat on the couch to relax, i remember having the fleeting thought that I shouldn’t sit down. With so few steps left, I should just go ahead and finish them right away. Why risk it?

But risk it I did, and I failed.

No biggie though. Shit happens. I’ll learn from today and do better tomorrow. I’ll have a new streak going in no time.

Day 88: FFS

Day 87

I’m drawing a blank on yesterday. Luckily, I have my Garmin app to remind me that I failed to hit my step goal yesterday by a lot. Thanks Garmin Connect!

Final step count: 8,355

Day 88

Today’s post was supposed to be one full of successes and yay mes, but it isn’t. Little kid was still sick today, so I kept him home. I couldn’t decide on a workout plan to follow, so I skipped the gym out of frustration, and instead of having a plan for tomorrow to get back on track, I am already anticipating another failure.

That’s not a good sign.

Oh, and did I mention I didn’t hit my step goal today either? At this rate, I’m going to surpass my previous 20-day step goal streak with a streak of days I didn’t hit my goal. :/

I need to snap out of whatever this is, and I need to do it pronto. I really don’t want to waste this week or worse, the next four.

Final step count: 12,165