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Posts tagged ‘frustrated’

Day 52: I ate a mountain of french fries

I’ve been feeling pretty proud of myself the last few days. I am on a 5-day step goal streak, I’ve been hitting the gym, and I’ve managed to get more mindfulness and water into my daily life. I’ve also been doing pretty ok with the whole avoiding gluten and dairy thing – it hasn’t felt as hard as I expected it to be.

Until today.

Today sucked. Or rather, this evening sucked.

The day started out all right. I had some bone broth soup for breakfast. I went to the gym. I did some work and a little meal prepping. I even volunteered at my daughter’s school for a couple of hours. It was turning out to be a nice, productive day. Then we went out for dinner after visiting the poop museum (yup, you read that right, a museum dedicated to poop). My daughter wanted a burger and I figured I’d be able to find something I could eat there too, so we went to the burger spot.

Well, it turns out I was wrong – oh so very wrong. This place only serves cheeseburgers, and asking for a burger without the cheese and/or bun just isn’t a thing. That’s just not how it works here. So, while everyone else enjoyed what they excitedly described as “the best burgers they’ve tasted since moving to Japan,” I ate a mountain of fries.

I have never wanted a burger so badly in my life.

It was awful. That meal was a slap-in-the-face reminder that having to avoid gluten and dairy sucks big ones. It legit hurt my feelings.

I know I should focus on the fact that I managed to resist the temptation. I should be proud of myself for staying strong and all that bullshit; but truthfully, I just feel shitty about it.

I keep telling myself that it’s just food and that cravings are just mind games your brain plays with you, but it still feels crappy. It still makes me sad. I mean, I love food. Food is life!

But, all that being said, I’m going to bed tonight without stomach pains and I’m not running to the bathroom every few minutes. I feel good physically, even if I don’t feel so swell emotionally – and that’s a good thing. I can’t expect it to always be easy. I know it’s going to be hard more often than not, but in the end, despite the suck, it will be worth it – even if I can’t take comfort in that fact right now.

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Day 49: Am I crazy?

One of the most frustrating things I’ve encountered since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism is how my doctors have chosen to treat it (or not treat it). My care has been limited to just enough medication to get my TSH, T4, and T3 in the “normal range,” without regard to whether or not my symptoms are actually improving.

My current doctor has been a welcome change to that sort of previous care. She believes in ensuring I am taking enough medication to reduce my symptoms, regardless of where on the range I am. Unfortunately, like other doctors, though that’s about the extent of her treatment plan for me.

I don’t want to be that person who goes online, reads a bunch of blogs and articles, and then believes they know more than a medical professional. I don’t want to claim that I’ve earned my MD from Google university, but I also can’t help but wonder if there truly is a knowledge gap in conventional medicine when it comes to basic lifestyle changes and how that influences the body.

We know the foods we eat can make us sick. Overeating can lead to obesity, which can result in all sorts of health conditions. Diabetes can be caused by an improper diet. Clogged arteries can lead to heart attacks – stuff like that. So, why shouldn’t we consider how the foods we eat and the things we do each day affect our health?

And I’m not just referring to exercise or the foods we eat, I’m referring to our mental state as well.  There are studies that have shown that a positive outlook can influence a patient’s recovery from an illness or injury, and I’m pretty sure I’ve read that stress can cause all sorts of illnesses, so isn’t it possible that our mental health could impact our physical health in other ways too?

I don’t intend to stop taking my medication or stop going to my doctor. But I do intend to take ownership of my health. I have full control over all of the lifestyle stuff. I don’t need my doctor in order to eat better and be more active. As long as I’m not going against her guidance (which is to keep taking my medication), there’s no harm in trying to make positive lifestyle changes in hopes of improving my overall health.

That being said, I would like her to run a few additional tests for me, just to see if I have any of the nutrient deficiencies associated with Hashimoto’s. I don’t want to supplement recklessly and make myself worse by taking stuff I don’t need. I want to be able to make educated decisions on what supplements to take, if any – and for that I need her help.

Therein lies the problem though, I don’t know how to ask her, and possibly convince her, to run these additional tests without coming off as a wannabe “Google MD.” It should be as easy as just asking, but for some reason, it feels way harder. I’m not sure where to go from here.

Day 21: Climbing back on the wagon

I’ve already managed to blow off my gym plan, but I’ve got a 5-day step goal streak going, so I’m gonna take that as a win. Unfortunately, I don’t feel as excited and pumped about this challenge as I did before. I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. I’m stuck in some sort of funk or rut, or whichever is the best way to describe it.

The thing is, I’ve gained back some of the weight I’d lost these past few months. Realistically, it’s probably only about 5 lbs, but when you’re as short as I am, that translates to anywhere from one to two clothing sizes. In terms of measurements, my waist size seems to have increased by a whole two inches. My super comfy jeans are now super tight jeans, and the muffin top I’d finally managed to get rid of, is back with a vengeance. I feel gross.

But, instead of feeling motivated by this to climb back on the wagon, I feel stuck. I’m in that spot; you know, the one where you know you need to make a change – and you want to make a change – but you just can’t get yourself to actually do it. So, instead of making positive changes, you just make worse choices.

I have a Bod Pod appointment tomorrow, so I’m hoping my latest results will give me the kick in the ass I need to shake this funk. I don’t feel all that confident about it though. I know I need to change my mindset, but that’s just not where I’m at right this moment. Hopefully, I’ll feel differently tomorrow.

Day 12: I should have known better

After five challenging, but successful days, I ruined my streak by less than four hundred steps.

It was such a dumb way to fail.

After walking hours of living room laps because I’d spent the day on the couch recovering from one too many cocktails the night before, I decided to take a short break. I only had about 350 steps to go and it’s was only 10pm; there was plenty of time to get those steps in – or so I thought.

I got comfortable. I lost track of time. It wasn’t until after midnight that I realized I hadn’t finished walking my steps. I quickly opened the Garmin app on my phone and saw it: 14,679 steps.

So frustrating.

I knew better. As I sat there on the couch, I remembered having the fleeting thought that I shouldn’t have sat down. With so few steps left, I should have just gone ahead and finish them right away. Why did I risk it?

Honestly, I don’t know why, but that’s ok. Shit happens. I’ll learn from today and do better tomorrow. Before you know it, I’ll have a new streak going!

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