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Posts tagged ‘motivation’

Day 56: Why I write

The day before yesterday, I messed up. After 34 consecutive days of hitting my step goal, I lost track of time and fell asleep less than 500 steps from the prize. I didn’t feel discouraged, and fully intended to get right back to it yesterday, but I started to wonder if I needed to keep posting about it. It’s been over two weeks since I last published anything, and despite starting several drafts, I haven’t really felt like sharing anything.

Yeah, there’s been a lot I’ve wanted to say. My brain is always going – analyzing every little thing I do, feel, or say; and I have opinions about everything. But I don’t always feel comfortable sharing all that crazy, even somewhat anonymously, and I know that having opinions doesn’t mean others want to read them. But, I quickly realized this morning that without this blog, I’m significantly less motivated to hit my step goal every day. Writing these posts provide me with accountability. That’s reason enough to keep doing it.

So here I am, back at day 0, but still here. I’m not giving up on this challenge just yet.

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Now what?

Having made the decision to give this challenge another go, I decided to go through my old posts for motivation. When I started this challenge, my intent was to post every day, and for a while, I did. I made myself do it – even when I didn’t want to. It was great for accountability’s sake, but the posts themselves left a lot to be desired. On a whim, I decided to delete some of the more mundane ones, but, I got a tad bit carried away. It seems I may have inadvertently deleted a few posts that I would have preferred to keep (like my Bod Pod results). C’est la vie.

I can’t go back and recreate those posts, but I figure it might be a good idea to do an update post of sorts, kind of like a Day 1 versus now thing. A lot has changed since I wrote my very first post on this blog last summer:

  • I had an ectopic pregnancy that required emergency surgery.
  • I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, celiac disease, and lactose intolerance.
  • I gained some weight, then lost it again – rinse and repeat a couple of times.
  • I attempted and failed to complete this challenge more than once.
  • I didn’t complete any of the DietBets I joined.
  • I think my Experiments 1 and 2 may have failed.
  • I created an Instagram account and a new blog to write specifically about cooking and eating gluten and dairy-free food.
  • I quickly got bored with the new blog and abandoned it, but I kept the Instagram account.
  • My views on all things health and fitness related shifted – there will definitely be posts about those changes in the future.
  • And most importantly, my priorities changed – I care less about losing weight and a lot more about being healthy.

I’m sure those changes will affect the tone and content of this blog a bit (maybe more than a bit), but for today, I’m going to keep it old school and just focus on goals.

In yesterday’s post (which I wrote very late at night, while knocking back some cocktails), I mentioned that I’d had two thoughts while watching the movie Julie & Julia: I can still enjoy food, and I need to refocus on my health.

That right there my friends, those two thoughts, are why I came back to this blog. I want to wholeheartedly commit to doing those two things, but I need help. I need accountability. I’m weak. I stumble. I fail. I make poor decisions. I stay up until 2 am, knowing full well that I need to be up by 6 am for work and I’m going to feel like shit in the morning because I didn’t get enough sleep.

But, I’m also determined, hopeful, stubborn, and unwilling to fold. No matter how many times I stumble and fall down, I eventually get back up (even if it takes a while). Despite falling off the wagon over and over and over again, I’ve continued to climb right back on it. So, now that I’m back on my feet and back on the wagon, I’m ready to try again.

And you know what trying again means, new goals! For this latest attempt at walking 15,000 steps a day, every day, for a year, I want to work on goals inspired by Dr. Rangan Chatterjee’s book, “How to Make Disease Disappear.” If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. I’m pretty much obsessed with it – and the good Dr’s got a great podcast too.

Anywho, the book focuses on what Dr. Chatterjee calls the “four pillars of health” – sleep, food, movement, and relaxation/stress. I could easily spend hours writing about his pillars and all of the great information I read in this book, but that’s a whole other post unto itself. For now, I’m just going to dive straight into the goals:

  • First and foremost, I need to walk 15,000 steps each day – it’s the whole point of this blog.
  • Secondly, I desperately have to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day – I am severely sleep deprived. 
  • Third, I need to drink 64 ounces of water daily – I’ve been feeling pretty dehydrated lately.
  • Fourth, I want to practice time-restricted eating instead of CICO for all the reasons (to be explained in a future post).
  • Fifth, I have to get back in the gym. My little muscles are just ghosts of their former selves at this point.
  • Sixth, I seriously need to get back to meditating every day. I never thought I’d be a person who meditates, but I have to tell you, that shit is life-changing.
  • And finally, seventh, I need to cut back on the use of electronic devices. Just trust me on this one. for now.

I know it’s a lot. There’s a good change that I may be in way over my head by trying to make so many changes all at once. In fact, I’m still trying to decide if I really want to go there and set myself up for failure, or if I should just focus on one or two of these at a time. Maybe it’d be best if I add a new one each week? I don’t know what I’m going to commit to just yet, but I’m going to make a decision about it tomorrow for sure. I can’t keep putting this off, I need to start now.  Anyone want to join me?

One year later…

It’s been months since I wrote my last post. It also happens to be past my bedtime – and yet here I am, sitting on the couch, watching Julie & Julia – the movie about Julia Child and some blogger named Julie.

Now, I watched this movie several years ago, when it first came out. I’m pretty sure I liked it, but I don’t recall feeling strongly about it in any way. Today though, it’s like I’m watching a whole different movie.

In one of the first few scenes, Julia asks her husband what she should do; she doesn’t want to go back to government work. Her husband, ever so supportive, asks her, “What is it that you really like to do?” Her response? “Eat.”

“Eat.” That’s all it took. With just that one word, I was instantly flooded with memories of a very similar conversation I’d had with my own husband – not just once, but numerous times since we’d moved to Japan. And it was in that moment that I felt it: Julia (the movie’s version of her at the very least) was my soulmate. She and I were basically the same person.

But, a second later, it hit me… yes, I love to eat (God, do I love to eat!), but thanks to celiac disease and lactose intolerance, I’ve been sentenced to a life of deprivation of all that brings joy to my life.

Ok, so I’m being a tad dramatic, but hear me out. This post isn’t meant to devolve into a woe is me, full-blown pity party. Surprisingly, it’s meant to be a work of self inspiration (if that’s a real term?) because, as I sat there watching the movie, two thoughts jumped out at me:

  1. I can still enjoy food.
  2. I need to refocus on my health.

I really can still enjoy food and I really do need to refocus on my health, but In order to do those things, I need accountability. If you hadn’t already noticed by reading through my previous posts, I have two settings: “all in” and “fuck this.” I need this blog for the times when I’m not exactly “all in,” and I’m dangerously close to “fuck this,” sort of like where I’ve been for the last, oh I don’t know, two or three weeks (maybe months?). I need something to keep me on track, and although I’ve failed at this 15,000 steps challenge over and over again, writing these posts has helped me tough it out way longer than I would have in the past. That’s something.

So, yeah, what I’m trying to say here is that I’m back. I’m going to give it another try – I’m going to walk 15,000 steps a day, every day, for a full year, and I’m going to make some changes. But first, a drink.

Cheers!

Day 63: Another Bod Pod on the books

Today was another Bod Pod day. Usually, I try to go on a monthly basis, but lately it’s been a bit more sporadic due to scheduling issues. My last appointment was on March 5th, and it wasn’t a good one. After steadily losing weight and fat lbs over the last year, I fell off the wagon and gained a significant chunk of it back.

Date % Fat % Fat Free Mass Fat Mass Fat Free Mass Body Mass
10/25/2018 26.1 73.9 31.518 lbs 89.209 lbs 120.728 lbs
1/25/19 27.8 72.2 34.409 lbs 89.443 lbs 123.852 lbs
3/5/2019 29.8 70.2 37.670 lbs 88.765 lbs 126.431 lbs

Today, six weeks after my last appointment, I went in feeling a tad bit hopeful. I wasn’t expecting any huge changes – the scale hadn’t moved much and I only lost an inch or two off my waist – but I did want to see some improvement. Despite all of the ups and downs these past few weeks, I felt like I did better overall compared to the beginning of the year. No, I didn’t go to the gym as planned, but I did go more often. And although I struggled to get a step goal streak going, I walked more steps on average. I don’t think I necessarily ate any less, but I did make some better food choices. Surely that must have done something, right? 

Well…

Date % Fat % Fat Free Mass Fat Mass Fat Free Mass Body Mass
10/25/2018 26.1 73.9 31.518 lbs 89.209 lbs 120.728 lbs
1/25/19 27.8 72.2 34.409 lbs 89.443 lbs 123.852 lbs
3/5/2019 29.8 70.2 37.670 lbs 88.765 lbs 126.431 lbs
4/15/2019 27.6 72.4 34.316 lbs 89.799 lbs 124.116 lbs

It did! Woo hoo!

Despite not being perfect, I lost 3 lbs of fat and gained 1 lb of fat free mass. I’m tempted to attribute some of those improvements on the Bod Pod’s error margin, but I need this win, so I’m not gonna. Instead, I’m going to feel good about it and use it to get motivated to do more.  I think I’m finally really ready to start reaching my goals.

Happy Monday!

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