This week was rough. Little kid was sick, and I struggled with staying home with him.
Parenting is hard.
I began writing this post yesterday, but I struggled with how much I wanted to write about the ups and downs of parenting. This blog is supposed to be about my step challenge, not the feelings of guilt I live with because I’m not the mom I’d hoped to be. But, the thing is, they are connected, aren’t they? Whether or not I am able to hit 15,000 steps each day for a year has everything to do with how I live my day-to-day life and the choices I make. And my family has a significant impact on those choices.
I love my children with all my heart – I’d give my life for them. They make me smile, bring me joy, and fill my days with love – I don’t know how to live without them, but truthfully, I don’t always like them. I don’t always have fun with them. I don’t always want to spend every waking moment interacting with them. Sometimes, I just need a little time to myself.
Now, I know taking time for myself is ok and I know it makes me a much better parent. The quality of our time together is significantly better when I’ve had some alone time. Without it, I’m less patient, more distracted, and much more tired and stressed. Living as a martyr mom isn’t good for the kids, my husband, or myself, but that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty about needing that time.
I read somewhere that the days are long, but the years are short. Difficult weeks like these seem endless when they’re happening, but then you wake up one morning and your babies are all grown, and you find yourself mourning for all of the time you missed out on with them. I don’t know if I’ll ever manage to get rid of my mommy guilt. I can’t change the past, but I can do my best to do better in the future. Today is a new day, and with it come new opportunities to make memories, work towards goals, and walk a lot of steps. I’m ready for it.
Current step total: 633
Current step goal streak: 4 days Previous step goal streak: 1 day Longest step goal streak: 6 days