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Posts tagged ‘weekend’

Day 0: A fresh start

It’s the Sunday night of Thanksgiving Day weekend. I’ve spent the last three days eating and sitting around. I feel heavy, bloated, and basically all-around gross.

Tomorrow was supposed to be my next Bod Pod appointment. It’s been over four weeks since my last one, and almost just as long as since I’ve written a post for this blog. Unfortunately, there was a fire at the wellness center building and my appointment was cancelled. I was advised that they’d contact me to reschedule once they figure out if the equipment still works. That hasn’t happened just yet.

I’ve been “off the wagon” now since my last post. I’d like to say that I’ve been trying to climb back on it all this time, but that would be a lie. The thing is, sometimes, the things that motivate me the most, are also the things that make me want to quit. Writing these posts, which for almost 90 days pushed me to get my steps in even when I didn’t want to, were exactly the thing that made me want to walk away from it all – and walk away I did, for a few weeks at least.

But, there’s nothing like that bloated, too-lazy feeling to make me want to get back on track. I’ve felt pretty awful these past few weeks. I’ve felt stressed, moody, lethargic, lazy, and heavy. I’ve been disorganized and unproductive. All of the positive changes I’d seen in myself since I started this challenge, seemed to go away once I gave it up. So here I am, ready to give it another try.

I’m not going to set myself up for failure by starting “right now.” It’s late in the evening, and I’m barely at 5,000 steps. I’m also going to avoid looking back at my Garmin logs for the past few weeks to see what my step average has been. I won’t beat myself up over things I can’t change. They don’t matter.

What I am going to do is start fresh tomorrow. I’m going to start back at Day 1. My goal: walk 15,000 steps a day for the next 365 days. Granted, similar to last time, I’ll likely add other goals later on, but for now, I’m focusing solely on hitting my daily step goal. Baby steps.

Wish me luck!

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Day 24: I hate walking laps.

To quote Britney Spears, “Oops, I did it again.” Despite my claim that I would pay attention to my steps yesterday, and avoid having to walk the dreaded “living room laps” to hit my step goal, I didn’t do it.

At 8pm, I was barely at 8,000 steps. It took me over an hour of pacing the house to walk the remaining 8,000 steps. It was not fun. My feet hurt by the time I was done.

On the one hand – I’m proud of myself for sticking with this challenge and not throwing in the towel. I’ve never been good at following through on the things I commit to doing, so the fact that I’ve managed to embrace the suck and pace around my house in order to reach my goal, day after day, is a big deal for me. My streak is in the double digits!

On the other hand – it really does suck. The laps cut into my previous, and oh-so-limited, sleep time. For the hundredth time, I need to do better throughout the day to prevent this unnecessary, end-of-day “suffering.” The reminders are obviously not working as well as I’d hoped. I need to try something new. Any and all suggestions are welcome.

Current step goal streak: 11 days
Previous step goal streak: 1 day
Longest step goal streak: 6 days

Days 17: Parenting is hard

This week was rough. Little kid was sick, and I struggled with staying home with him.

Parenting is hard.

I began writing this post yesterday, but I struggled with how much I wanted to write about the ups and downs of parenting. This blog is supposed to be about my step challenge, not the feelings of guilt I live with because I’m not the mom I’d hoped to be. But, the thing is, they are connected, aren’t they? Whether or not I am able to hit 15,000 steps each day for a year has everything to do with how I live my day-to-day life and the choices I make. And my family has a significant impact on those choices.

I love my children with all my heart – I’d give my life for them. They make me smile, bring me joy, and fill my days with love – I don’t know how to live without them, but truthfully, I don’t always like them. I don’t always have fun with them. I don’t always want to spend every waking moment interacting with them. Sometimes, I just need a little time to myself.

Now, I know taking time for myself is ok and I know it makes me a much better parent. The quality of our time together is significantly better when I’ve had some alone time. Without it, I’m less patient, more distracted, and much more tired and stressed. Living as a martyr mom isn’t good for the kids, my husband, or myself, but that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty about needing that time.

I read somewhere that the days are long, but the years are short. Difficult weeks like these seem endless when they’re happening, but then you wake up one morning and your babies are all grown, and you find yourself mourning for all of the time you missed out on with them. I don’t know if I’ll ever manage to get rid of my mommy guilt. I can’t change the past, but I can do my best to do better in the future. Today is a new day, and with it come new opportunities to make memories, work towards goals, and walk a lot of steps. I’m ready for it.

Happy Sunday!

Current step total: 633

Current step goal streak: 4 days 
Previous step goal streak: 1 day 
Longest step goal streak: 6 days

 

 

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